Inceden# 10 “the scooter incident.”
Im sure allot of people are going to find this offensive but honestly I couldn't care less. Have you ever heard the saying “fat chicks are like scooters, their fun to ride until your friends catch you on them.” Well apparently its true. And listen here ladies I know you say the same shit about guys so don't try and pawn this off as men being pigs. I grew up with 5 girls, I know the fucking deal.
Any way so one warm summers night me, Snakes and Jp were sitting in the living room just relaxing, a little bit buzzed from a heavy night of drink. Suddenly we here what sounded like 12 people marching up our staircase to the door of our apartment. Tj comes flying into the room drunk as fucking possible with this chick. The thing about this chick is shes not your average chick, this was more like, I eat Mc Donalds 3 times a day kinda chick, I mean she was allot of woman. Tj comes walking up to me and say's “hey man you think you could sleep in the living room tonight.”
To this day there has never been a bigger shit eating grin on a mans face in all of history, until Tj asked me that question. I mean I was fucking glowing. I looked back at the guys and they were interrogating the girl, finding out where shes from, what she does ect. I look at snakes and catch his eye, he gives me a look like he just figured out the cure for cancer.
It was at that point that me and Sankes realized this will be the longest running joke we may ever have. So I took Tj into the other room and had a man talk with him
this is how it went
:note; im editing all the slurring out because I wouldn't even begin to know how to spell some of the words he was mispronouncing.
Me: Tj... I think this may be the one.
Tj: dude! I know, I mean I really know, this may be it, she might be the one.
Me: listen im gonna give you a piece of advice. Something that I really want you to take to heart.
Tj: ok...... ok what tell me.
Me: honestly tj this girl is too good for you.
Tj: I know man.
Me: tj the only way your going to be able to keep this girl is-
(at this point I notice tj is drulling on himself.)
Me: is if you give her the best fuck of her life.
Tj: Hell yea! HELL YEA! WOOOO!
Tj then bolts out of the door, and behind him is me giggling like a little school.
Tj runs into the living room, grabs this chick by the arm and then pulls her across the house into our room. Snakes, Jp and I are standing there in shock questioning our selves when we suddenly start hearing kissing noises that sounded like a vacum cleaners trying to suck up a puddle. Now I know what your thinking... that probably wasn't kissing. Well thats what we thought until jp went to check. Jp flung the door open screaming go Tj go. Only to find Tj and the chick fully clothed laying on the floor.
I then ran into the room to see what was going on. Seeing them both completely cltherd made me very disappointed. I was really hoping so see some crazy love making. At this point I know what had to be done... the man nod. (the man nod is a head nod that means “lets do this shit”, with out even saying a word.) I give Tj the man nod and he gets a very serious look on his face, probably remembering the speech I just gave him.
Tj:guys.. I need to take care of some stuff.
Me and Jp return to the living room where we meet snakes. A few minets later, about 1/8 the way into king of the hill it begins. The sounds of love. The flopping, the smaking the suck, those dirty dirty sounds that make all of us want to throw up while laughing. The night rages on with moaning and screaming and all sorts of noises some of us didn't even know could be made by a human.
Finally it stops and we all go to bed. Of course I sleep on the coach.
I wake up early that morning and wake up the rest of the guys. We then sneak into my room and throw change at tj till he wakes from his drunken sex coma. When he comes to he doesn't realize theres any one in bed with him, until we point at her. He then looks over his shoulder and looks back at us. Tj looks at us with a the pailest face ive ever sceen. I mean that of a dead mans face.
Tj then flips out and wakes up his new soul mate, asking her who she is and what shes doing there. (We left the room at that point to give the two love birds some time to them selves). About 2 minuets later a shit storm happens and the chick comes huffing an puffing out of the room, flips us off and heads for the stairs. So what do we do? Of course we make fun of Tj. After about maybe thirty seconds of making fun of Tj she comes storming back in. She then grabs Tj out of his bad and forces him to drive her home (we took a cab to the bar and back that night, im guessing they did too). Of course we all back her up and tell Tj how immoral it would be for him not to drive her home.
The story pretty much ends here because Tj didn't talk to us for 2 weeks. After this incident.
But I can say Tj found a scooter, wasn't sure if he wanted to ride it, but after our talk, he not only rode the shit out of that scooter, but tried some new tricks on it too.
On the next prank wars, I get so pissed I break my hand, snakes gets trapped under a bed, Tj trys to fuck a buss, and Jp is no where to be found.