During my four years in college ive learned allot of things. Some things usful in life, others that arnt at all, and then a few other things that I may go to hell for. And last summer was probably the beginning of what might be one of the greatest and worst times of my life.
It all started with a container of rotten milk in my fridge. See I found this container of rotten milk in my fridge and I thought to my self, man it would be funny if I left this on snakes and Jp's door the (people I shared an apartment with in Portchester). So I leave the milk on there door knob. Next thing I know my door is swung open and a carton of milk is spiked on my floor. So I pick up the carton of milk and have my roommate Tj open their door so I can spike it down in there room . After nailing their room with rotten milk me and Tj begin our retreat back to our room, but before we can make it to our room snakes runs out of his room and chases us down the apartment hall to the kitchen.. snakes corners me and we share a good laugh until he unexpectedly chucks the milk at me and it explodes all over my face. So with curdled lumpy milk all over my face I begin to chase snakes down the hallway holding the container. Snakes makes it to his room door and right as hes opening it I throw the carton of milk with all my might at him. It misses him hits his door, sprays all over him and then flys into his room, covering his wall, his dresser and all the clothing on top of it. I retreat back to my room and lock my door. I hear snakes and Tj going at it, but at this point I smelled so bad of rotten milk I had to take a shower before I began to vomit. Later some one opens the door to my room and enters. The light turns on and its jay, covered in clumps of white gooey milk. Jay takes one look at me and says “its on.”
And this was the beginning of prank wars.
(before you read this I just want you all to know that these pranks get progressively worse and near the end of these story's you may find yourself very offended.
Incident #1 coffee cup “friendly fire.”
I walked into jp's and snakes room with a rotten cup of coffee. I came to find jp by himself sleeping in his bed. So I placed the coffee cup next to Jp so it would pour on him when he shifted position.
I later came back to jp and snakes room to find snakes screaming at jp for apparently pouring a cup of coffee all over snakes bed. Apparently Jp thought that snakes left the coffee on his bed for not helping him with the milk carton incident.
This is what I like to call “friendly fire.”
Incident #2 the hidden dinosaur. “the war at home”
My mom came to visit me and decided to see how messy my room had already become after only living in it for 3 weeks. What I didn't know was that Jp and snakes had placed a robot toy dinosaur in my room that kept walking around the room, repeating phrases about how much I like to suck dick. My mother was very pleased.
Due to this my mother had a long talk with me about how its ok to be gay, and how she was suspicious when I choose Suny Purchase over Uconn. I still dont understand how a talking dinosaur could sway my mom to thinking im gay, but no cable modem commercial couldn't sway her to thinking that cabel is faster than 56k.
Incident # 3 number switch. “revenge against the drunk dial idiot”
snakes and I managed to get our hands on jp's phone long enough to switch his moms number with a girl he was trying to hook up with. Since jp's a terrible at picking up women and liked to drunk dial the girls he likes, jp ended up asking his mother out on a romantic date. He also asked her if she wanted to have sex with him before and or after dinner.
To this day we still don't know her answer.
Incident#4 socks incident “sticky fingers leave no prints.”
this wasn't really a prank, jp just stole a brand new pack of socks from my room and it really pissed me off.
But it certainly fueled the on coming revenge.
Incident #5 dinning hall “a cock is worth 1000 words”
while snakes was asleep I drew all over his face, then woke him up and rushed him to go to the dinning hall with me. We went at 6:00 on a Friday night, During ice cream night (basically the busiest day and time at the dinning hall) so after talking to just about every person snakes knows at school, one off the dinning hall cooks asked snakes what his face paintings represented.
I still wonder what else a cock on the fore head represent other than a cock on the forehead.
PRANK WARS!
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